Mayhugh Minutes

Average is A-mazing!

2012-02-06T08:05:00.000-08:00

For the first time EVER I have an average size newborn who is growing above average!! Isaac's 2 month check up was a great visit! Here are his stats at 8 weeks:

Weight: 11 pounds 5 ounces in the 50%

Height: 24 inches in the 80%

I have a baby that actually showed up on the growth charts and made a percentage that was average!! For the first time I saw average as AMAZING, the best! He is meeting his marks developmentally too:

By 2 months your child should:

Begin to smile at people Check!

Can briefly calm himself (may suck on hands) Check!

Tries to look at parent Check!

Coos, makes gurgling sounds Check!

Turns head toward sounds Check!

Pay attention to faces Check!

Begins to follow things with eyes Check!

Begins to act bored (cries, fussy) if activity doesn't change Check!

Can hold head up & begins to push up when on tummy Working on it, we hold him too much!

Makes smoother movements with arms & legs Check!

Most of you may laugh at my excitement but typically my babies are 1 to 2 months behind on everything, EVERYTHING! It's nice to read the milestones and rejoice that he is on track instead of being sad that he won't meet them for another month :)

Fat Guy in a Little Coat!

2012-02-06T05:57:00.000-08:00

This is the first phrase I thought of while taking these pictures!! You will only get it if you were a Chris Farley fan back in the day, ha! My dear friend, Amanda came over to love on Isaac and of course take some pictures! He was just 1 month old! She was so excited because she had made him a nest to lay in for these pictures. There was only one issue...He grew too fast and was not fitting the "nest" the way we would have liked him to :) Check it out, they are still the cutest pictures but knowing he is way to big makes them even cuter!!

The Story

2011-12-05T13:31:00.001-08:00

This was me on November 24, Thanksgiving Day. Two days before we had Isaac. I think I changed 3 times before deciding on sweatpants and a shirt for the holiday apparel, ha!
Now I look at the picture and it makes me smile, I was so big! I was carrying a 7 pound baby and was feeling pretty good other than the typical aches and pains and swelling.
Thanksgiving Day was great! We had wonderful food, great company and a nice relaxing day. It's a good thing because Friday morning I was up and out of the house by 5am to get my Christmas shopping done! I knew that I would for sure have the baby before Christmas and my goal was to complete my shopping before he came. I was on a mission, had my list and was ready to shop!
My mom and I shopped ALL DAY! We didn't get home until almost dinnertime! All & all I felt great that day, had some contractions but maybe one every once in a while, and certainly none that seemed to be labor. I did however notice that when I was contracting there was a burning sensation where my previous c section scar is. I decided that when we got home I would call the doc and see what she thinks. The doc wanted to monitor me for a while and was at the hospital so Craig and I headed up to WakeMed for what we thought would be a quick check and maybe an hour of monitoring...
When I was checked around 8pm I was 3cm and not contracting, so the plan was to stay at the hospital overnight and go home in the morning if the burning went away. Sure enough, the burning went away so I sent Craig home to get some things so he could stay with me until morning. While he was gone, I started to contract pretty regularly. First they were every 7 minutes, so I sent him a text with my contractions timed out. Then they quickly went to every 5 minutes and suddenly became VERY painful!! The doc came in and checked me and said I was 5cm so I would not be going home, I would be staying and having a baby! Craig was back at the hospital by now and we were so excited! The excited quickly turned into tears from the pain. I couldn't tell if it was the burning sensation back again or if labor was really this painful. I requested an epidural and it worked for 10 minutes before falling out, so sad! My contractions were now every 2 minutes for over 2 hours and the worst pain I have every felt so the doc thought for sure I was complete and ready to push only to find out that I was still at 5cm... This was around 4am, I think. I wasn't really watching the time so much by now. She really stressed the importance of considering a c section again. The fact that I was in so much pain and contracting so close together for such a long period of time may be an indication of many things, one thing being a uterine rupture which would be very bad but unable to detect unless we did a c section. Craig was not comfortable at all waiting to see and really felt more comfortable going in for a repeat c section knowing that it would be safe, and the baby would be safe. So, off we went for a c section. At first I was a little nervous, actually a lot nervous! I have only had 1 other c section and it was an emergency and was very emotional and sad. This time was to be happy and peaceful, but I would not know that until I experienced it myself.
I was given a spinal and as I lay there waiting for Craig to join me I prayed for peace and then felt like I needed Craig to be there, praying for me so as soon as I saw him walk in the room and sit with me I asked him to pray over us before they got started. I cannot explain the peace that came over all of us. Now we were ready to have a baby!
The room was quiet, peaceful and everyone was very calm. No team of 20 NICU nurses and doctors waiting to run the baby off immediately, no emergency team on hand. We were having a full term healthy baby! In fact, Adele was playing in the backgroud and we were all VERY excited to hear the sweet sounds of a crying baby.
Then it came, Isaac was here, crying, BIG!! We were able to see him immediately, hold him, and KEEP him! I was out of it for a while after because of all the drugs that were pumped into my system prior to surgery but to know he was fine and in the room with me and Craig was just priceless.
Did I ever even think that I would have to have a repeat c-section? No, not at all. Izzie was breach and an emergency situation. All my other labors were very fast and there was never a problem dilating or delivering so the thought never even crossed my mind. Isaac was head down and ready to roll but the Lord had something else in mind. He took away my fear and anxiety over another c-section and replaced it with his peace. I knew that the Lord had this and was taking care of us no matter how Isaac entered the world and I have no regrets about our decision to have a repeat c-section.

I have had a tough time writing all of this out because its been such a long journey and I am still completely overwhelmed with the reality that we have home with us a healthy full term baby after 4 previous preterm labors and births. I won't go over the past 9 months because I have been blogging, but the Lord has really shown himself faithful to us. All we prayed for over and over was a full term healthy boy and the Lord graciously gave us our hearts desire. Yes, all other times we have prayed the same thing, but I cannot say honestly that it has been our hearts cry like it was this time. I have felt the Lord carry me through this pregnancy and the evidence is this little miracle at the end. Isaac Sullivan is a complete gift, a full miracle.

Introducing Isaac Sullivan Mayhugh!

2011-12-04T17:17:00.001-08:00

Our precious little man has finally arrived!

Isaac Sullivan Mayhugh

born November 26 at 5:12am

7 pounds 7 ounces

20 1/4 inches long

He is perfect, he is full term, he is healthy.

He is our little (big) miracle.

We are completely in love with him, completely.

Stop growing sweet boy, cause I am enjoying every minute...

I will tell the whole story of my labor another time, for now, soak up his sweetness...

I cannot believe we have FIVE kids!!

Why am I just learning that a pregnancy is 10 months, not nine!!

2011-11-21T18:20:00.001-08:00

Truth is, I have always known that but never had to really think about cause I never get to this month!

Now that I am 37 weeks, mentally I am ready to have this baby, I am 9 months pregnant, let's get this show on the road baby!! I also know that I have 3 more weeks of growth for this baby to go through so I need to be patient and relax, 2 things I am no good at!

Today, I had a busy day and thought for sure I would go into labor. My mom had me walking the mall until I was begging to go home. My feet were soooo swollen and it actually hurt to walk to them. Why is that??

Just had to vent. I am so grateful to know that I am having a full term baby, I just didn't realize how tough this last month of pregnancy is! No wonder nobody ever talks about the 10th month, it's the torture your body month!

Even If...

2011-11-20T05:17:00.001-08:00

This has been me almost everyday this week: "Baby, wake up, I think I am in labor"only to find out each time it is either gas (embarrassing), fatigue, or normal aches and pains of being FULL TERM!! I am full term! I am going to go into labor and have a baby sometime in the next 3 weeks and have not a clue what this is going to look like. I have had 4 other children but labor has always been a bad thing. It's always been traumatic. This time I don't know what to expect and it's kind of funny since it''s my 5th child! I think my body is confused too. One day I am a puffy mess, the next I am fine. One day I am contracting and it hurts the walk, then I go to bed and wake up feeling great!

Craig and I just laugh at all this stuff, cause it's funny to see me so large, and pregnant. We have officially gone from praying these labor signs mean nothing weeks ago to anxiously awaiting the moment when it is time to head to the hospital. Craig is sooooo excited.

I should know that I am not going into labor until I am full term, that's what we prayed fervently for and that is the confidence that I have been surrounded by this entire 9 months. I shouldn't' be surprised, but oh I am sooo surprised!!

9 months ago when we found out we were expecting, our struggle all along was believing in God's abilities, to know that he is still sovereign and in control and loving on us even if this pregnancy did not go to term. I have been reading through the bible and the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego really spoke to me months ago when I was early on in my pregnancy. I started to feel anxious and wonder how I would handle having another preemie and how would I explain my confidence in God if he didn't come through for us and give us a full term healthy baby?

Many verses I have clung to but this story gave me a confidence. These 3 men are being thrown into fire for not worshiping idles and before being thrown in they are asked "How will your God save you once you are thrown into the fire?" Their response I loved ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. ¹⁸ But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

This story gave me a clarity and confidence that God is still God, a loving God, EVEN IF he doesn't answer our prayers directly, or so specifically. God's love NEVER fails, NEVER changes. Our hearts may, or our doubts may creep in, but God, He remains the same. Ever since I read that and prayed for that confidence I have felt that confidence. I have had moments of doubt but been gently reminded that God is God, even if...

I had to make a choice to rest in His love and peace regardless of what lies ahead, and so I did :)

Now, I am 37 weeks today!! I am so blown away that I almost feel undeserving of this blessing. He has given us our hearts desire and yet I am so humbled but this gift. Now my prayer has changed to full on praise. I knew God was able, but now I have seen his sovereign hand of protection over me and this child and give Him ALL the credit, all the praise. It took 4 traumatic little miracles babies to bring me to my knees and realize this. 13 years of wondering why me, poor me.

Now I see it... God wanted me to love Him, believe in Him, serve Him, EVEN IF...

A Family Torn...

2011-11-19T06:15:00.000-08:00

If you follow me on twitter or happen to be my "Facebook friend" you have seen my never ending posts about our dear friends Josh & Tasha Via. Since last October they have been going through the process of adopting a child from the orphanage that our church built in Uganda. In September they were finally given a court date and traveled over there with their 3 kids to bring little Alethia home. I remember the day they left and feeling so excited that the time had finally come to go get this precious baby! I had the privilege of meeting her and putting new shoes and clothes on her when I went to Uganda last October, so I feel like she is my little niece :)Since the day they arrived there they have faced situations that to us seem so frustrating and hopeless, and yet to them they are resting in their faithful heavenly Father every step, every obstacle, everyday. Through a series of delays and things they were finally approved, given custody and set to come home today! Their very last appointment was a no brainer, obtain a visa at the US Embassy. It is the US after all right? The hard part was over, getting a Muslim Ugandan judge to grant custody to a US Christian family was the tough part right? They were denied the visa for reasons that are truly unknown cause they keep changing the laws in the embassy. We could sit and guess and wonder but what's the point. The reality is they are trying to bring their new child home and cannot. The sadness in all of this is that many many people have pulled from their many many resources and unless the embassy changed their mind, there is nothing anyone can do. But God...God is still in control, He is the mountain mover, not our senators, not our embassy workers, or lawyers, but God. So today I beg everyone who reads my blog to share it with everyone they know and get on your knees in prayer for this family. Follow their blogging, they're story just over these past 2 months is such a great story of a hope and faith that I only dream of having. (http://alethiagrace.wordpress.com and the password is TRUTH)Today Tasha is flying back to NC with her 2 older children leaving behind her husband and new child in Uganda. This family is literally being torn apart and need prayer and support. They do not know what lies ahead, they only know that this could be a very long process and they are resting completely on the Lord for a miracle.God is able. I know it. I have seen him at work and KNOW this is only the beginning of a great work of the Lord. When I see how many people the Lord has brought together over the past week I am amazed. Today is National Adoption Day and many families are still waiting for that precious child to call their own, let's all pray today to fill them all with hope that someday soon they will..

36 weeks :)

2011-11-13T17:35:00.001-08:00

So, I have been off of bed rest for 1 week today! This week, I enjoyed cleaning the house, taking care of my children again, cooking a few meals, taking Maggie to preschool, and today I got up and went to church!! I haven't been to church in nearly 3 months, so you can imagine the reactions I received, ha!! Most of my friends at church have never seen me this pregnant, or this big. Usually I deliver before I swell, or outgrown maternity clothes, ha! It was awesome, the highlight of my week was for sure going to church again and being able to worship with my church family and sit and listen to our pastor preach very passionately on the end times, what a perfect Sunday to come back!

This has been the busiest week of my life, I am shocked this baby has stayed put!

My parents came into town with my grandparents on Tuesday. They were traveling to Florida so stopped in on their way down and stayed overnight. I LOVE my grandparents, love em!! We have a great time listening to stories, and watching my grandma play the piano like a pro still!! Maggie LOVES grandma and I will say she loves my grandpa too, but he likes to scare her so she was not a big fan this time, ha! Izzie, however, LOVED grandpa!! She loved to talk to him and call him silly names like peanut butter!

Did I mention that my dad is back from Iraq and we finally got to see him too!! Maggie and Izzie were a little possessive of him, which I knew they would be! It was sooo nice to see my parents together again, even if it was for not even 24 hours, but they are coming back for the baby's birth, I hope! Right now they are spending the week with my brother's family in Georgia and praying this baby stays put through this week. Time will tell...

On Wednesday my sisters surprised me and came to my house on Wednesday night so they could help me out for the weekend. Little did I also know that my dear friend from way back in middle school also surprised me and came down for the weekend. I promised, I have not laughed that much in a long time!! I needed that time with my girls, we had a blast!! I am pretty sure they were all hoping little Isaac would make an appearance this weekend, but nope! He is holding on strong!

Thursday I had another ultrasound and Isaac looked great!! He is a big boy, ready any day and looking like he will be a strong healthy boy! God's protection over me and this baby throughout this pregnancy still overwhelms me when I sit and think about the past 9 months. How could you ever doubt God's abilities when you see my odds!!

Also this weekend I had a celebration luncheon to celebrate this full term baby!! It was so nice to sit and hang out with my dear friends and sisters and stuff ourselves full with appetizers and cheesecake. Now I am ready to have this baby!

Saturday we celebrated my son Trent's birthday! I cannot believe that he is 13, where oh where did the time go?! I may be ready for a newborn, but I am not ready for the teen years, that's a fact!

Whew! Today, we went to church, I came home and crashed!!

With all this activity, you would think this baby would be out by now, but nope! My only issues after a week full of activity would be my poor puffy hands and feet. They are sad, really sad. I had to buy new shoes for my cankles and that made me very sad. Everyone tells me that the swelling goes away when I deliver the baby, lets hope so! I have also been having a few crazy episodes where I start to sweat, shake and feel like I will pass out. It lasts about 10 minutes and then I am okay. I mentioned it to the doc and she said BP, pulse, and sugars look good so maybe at times the baby is sitting on a nerve that causes those symptoms. It is not my sciatica nerve, I know that.

36 weeks, I am carrying a nearly full term big boy! He weighs around 6 pounds and still has 4 weeks to grow. I am tempted to tell my prayers warriors to take it easy on the "full term" prayers, ha!!

Thanks for the prayers, every single one of them! They have carried me through times when I don't want to pray, when I am tired, grouchy and want to give up on bed rest. I know I am protected, covered in God's healing hands and I am confident in His abilities and only pray that through this others will see God and only God. Yes, I have been on bed rest, I am taking a lot more supplements, and seeing a chiropractor, but God lead me to those decisions. He convicted me to take bed rest seriously and sacrifice this time for His child and I did. He provided amazing help for me and my family at the right time and I am so thankful for how God has provided for us.

I cannot wait to hold this little (big) miracle in my arms, welcome him into our home, and raise him to love the Lord that kept him safe in my womb for 36 weeks (and counting)!

Perspective can be such a B...

2011-11-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

Blessing! Really, did you really thing I would go there?! At least I got you to open this blog post, ha!

Today is my first day off official bedrest, I am 35 weeks and in the clear. Craig headed back to work and I am back to my duties as a mom and homemaker. One problem, I have somehow forgotten how to be a mom with order, peace, patience, and a happy heart. I have forgotten how to take the kids to the grocery store and have the girls sit in the cart without fighting and trying to get down. Ohhhhh, I have been a very grouchy, very mean mommy today. So I started to write this blog about how tough my day has been, how it is so hard to go from bedrest to no rest. Then, I got an email from one of my most treasured friends and what she had to say brought me to my knees, literally. I was in tears for her, in tears over my poor attitude. So, I thought I would share her story. I know she won't mind because IF you read this, you MUST pray for her family IMMEDIATELY, and I know she will covet your prayers :)

Josh & Tasha Via, our dear friends, are in Uganda. They have been in Uganda since September 26 wrapping up a year long process of adopting their precious little Ugandan daughter, Alethia Grace. The plan was to fly over a week before their court date of October 5 in order to bond with their new daughter before they were granted the adoption. Did I mention that they also flew over to Uganda with their 3 children; Areyna (6), Zeke (5), Cai (2), and Tasha is pregnant and was 20 weeks pregnant when they left! They appeared at their first court appointment only to wait from 10am until 5pm and find out the judge was not even there! So, they had to wait to be issued another court date. Fortunately they were issued one pretty quickly, but the date was over 3 weeks later than the first court date. Already, they are 4 weeks into what is supposed to be a 6 week process and nothing accomplished. Over the 3 weeks of waiting, they have held on strong. Teaching the kids the culture, learning the Uganda way, and bonding with their new little girl. They were thrilled to find out that Josh's mom and sister got on a plane to support them for a few weeks. Can you imagine feeling so drained and then your mom and sister show up to help, ugh, it makes me cry just to think of it! So, October 28 came up and they appeared in court and yes, the judge was there, yippee!! The story of their day of court is amazing, a true miracle and gift from the Lord. They were granted the adoption, from a Muslim judge, a judge that was not a fan of Christ followers in his country. Tasha was a rock start that day and the Lord used her words to soften the heart of this judge, praise the Lord! The next step is the next court date, which is typically a week later. All they need at this court date is a paper with a signature from the judge allowing the adoption so they can then take all the papers to the Embassy and get this family back home. Sounds so simple, right?! It looked like it was simple too because they got word that the letter was typed and waiting for the judge's signature. So, they drove a few hours, lost the suitcase that contained EVERYTHING in it, pulled over only to recover it just in time from a man who was attempting to load it into his car, only to find out that no, the judge didn't show up to court again. Day after day, which leads us to today. Today Tasha went to court for that paper that just needed a signature. Yes, the judge was there, yes! So she waits and waits, hours, only to find out that they had lied. The paper was not typed up therefor the judge had nothing to sign...
The Via's are currently in week 7, they should be flying home today on a plane, with their whole new family. Instead, they are still waiting for a signature and then to go and wait on the Embassy to decide when they will complete their paperwork. Today they had to reschedule their flight home from November 7th to November 20th. Please pray that there is not one more hold up and that they will be able to fly home on this date, together, as a family...

I tell their short story to explain my perspective shift. I was so grouchy over a few stressful hours of disobedience, tears from my toddlers, and an occasional hitting problem. My friend has been in Uganda, dealing with touch & go electricity, handwashing clothes for their family of 6, taking cold showers with critters watching her, praying she doesn't get Malaria, and doing a great job keeping her 4 kids content in a 3rd world country. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster her family has been put through hanging onto every positive word they can as they wait on the Ugandan courts to grant this adoption. All of this has yes been very tough for them, and she has been VERY honest about her feelings, and yet her faith in the Lord to get her through this is unshakable! I hope she comes home and writes a book! (hint hint, Tasha!)

Here is a quick recap of her stressful day today...

"I should have started bawling right then and there, but the tears never came. Only peace and reassurance that can only come from God. It was kind of surreal. I’d been talking to Farouk, our agency contact over here in Uganda, and he has such wisdom and encouragement. He is sympathetic while still be realistic in a way that no one else has been able to be. He just looked at me, clearly saddened by our circumstances, but hopeful that Thursday was the day and that we would be able to submit everything to the Embassy on Friday. Then he told me that everything happens for a reason and we just have to be patient, reminding me that at least we knew that we had a favorable ruling and that is the hardest part!
So, although I miss carpet under my feet, paved roads without all the pot holes, ice, a predictable schedule, no fear of Malaria, good toilet paper, my sweet Micaiah, my spacious house, friends and family, and the list goes on and on, I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is at work, and we are in His favor and He kept our documents safe, and the boda driver alive, and He is watching over our son, as well as perfectly mapping out the signing of our ruling, as well as the remainder of our journey here. I know that because He promises to watch over His children and He promises not to give us more than we can handle. I clearly just need a little more refining in the patience department;)" - Tasha Via

(Side note: Please click on the link with their name and read their entire journey, its amazing! It is password protected and the password is TRUTH)

You see, I have electricity, I have running water, an abundance of food, clothing, a car, internet, electricity that doesn't fail. I have everything I need and yet I allow my kids grouchy hearts to ruin my day and make me unaware of all of our blessings, our health, our comforts. If I could only keep an eternal perspective in the heat of any moment, maybe my kids wouldn't struggle so much with obedience, kindness, anger, and yelling. If only they saw mommy being obedient to the Lord, they would understand what complete obedience is, how to surrender every thought and action to the Lord and allow Him to redeem it.

You see, perspective can be such a B, can't it!

I've Never...

2011-11-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

I've never been 35 weeks, until today!!

I've never had time to be scared of labor and delivery, until today!!

I've never had time to think "is this a normal pain, or is it labor?", until today!!

I've never grown OUT of my maternity clothes, until today!!

I've never felt such a strong baby kicking my insides, until today!!

I've never been so tired, until today!!

I've never known what it was like to go into labor and know that my baby is going to be okay, until today!!

Until today, I have always feared for the worst, prayed for the best, and just wondered what it would be liked to be heavy, full term, and desperate to deliver this baby! I am not even technically full term for another 2 weeks, but to me, this is full term. To my doctors, I am full term!

My appointment on Thursday went great! I love my practice, every week I show up pregnant they are sooo thrilled to see me! We had fun guessing when I would deliver, how big the baby would be, and how much of a miracle it is to see that I am still pregnant! My doctor's guess is this...
Born: November 17/18
Weight: 6 - 6 1/2 pounds
Length: 19/20 inches

I can't wait to see if that is true! In the meantime, since I have gone this far, I have had a ton of requests. Let's see, my mother is in panic mode and is begging me not to go into labor until November 20. That is the soonest she can get here. My sisters are coming to visit me next weekend and would LOVE if I went into labor while they were here. My son thinks it would be really cool to deliver on his birthday, November 13. My Macey is
going to Florida for a Taylor Swift concert and is requesting that I hold out until she comes home around the 14/15th. My husband has in his head that I will have the baby on November 26. My dear friends are leaving for Uganda for their adoption on November 22 and would love to see this baby before they leave. My other dear friends are coming home from Uganda with their new little girl around November 20 and would love to see me still pregnant!

I love it! I love that I have come far enough that I can even hear these requests. Just so everyone of you know, I have told little Sully each request, he is considering each one carefully, but so far is happy where he is. I am happy where he is and would love to see how much farther I can go! Who knows, maybe I will actually go into labor when he is full term! Maybe I will be like all the other miserable 40 weekers out there trying to pay off their OBGYN to get this baby out! Only the Lord knows, and I can't wait to see when that date will be!

In the meantime, I will be praying more specifically as fear is setting in! I am praying for a healthy baby, a fast labor, a drama free labor, a sweet "little" baby, and a daytime delivery! I have always gone into labor in the middle of the night and this time, I want my family here with us, to celebrate! I want my children with me loving on their new sibling. So, I am praying specifically for my desires. The Lord has carried me so far and I can see Him smiling so big, even as I write this. He just thinks its so great to give us our hearts desires! I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father that delights to please us! It's like watching our children open a gift that they have begged for and seeing the joy in their eyes as they realize they got just what they asked for!

Oh, 1 more "I've never"

I've never been so confident in the Lord and I never want to be at a place of doubting Him again. He is able!

1 Samuel 1:27-28

²⁷ I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. ²⁸ So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.”

34 Week Goal Reached Today!

2011-10-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

Huge, no appetite, nauseous, tired, baby kicks hurt instead of tickle, can't stop peeing, did I mention tired already?!
All of this is completely normal and yet I have not ever been to this point! At the same time, I am only telling you how I am feeling these days, I am NOT complaining, not yet, ha!! I am beyond thrilled to be able to feel all of this nearly full term aches and pains cause it is one day closer to having a full term baby boy! Which leads me to my next thought...

My 4th and final goal is reached!! I am 34 weeks pregnant!! Have I ever come this far? Yes, I had Trent at 34 weeks, but the drama that led up to his delivery was awful. I started labor around 28 weeks and was put on awful meds to stop the labor, then sent home to bed rest, which didn't last long. Then I lived in the hospital until they could hold me no longer at 34 weeks. When he was born, I had a fever, he had a fever, we were both pretty sick...

Moving ON...

Thursday I had my weekly checkup. Since I am high risk, I have been seen every week since week 28, just to keep a watchful eye :) Well, when the nurses saw me this week you would've thought I was the president (Maybe not Obama, lets go with a Bush, or Reagan)! They were so excited to see that I am still here, still pregnant! They know me very well by now and I love them all! Since I have never been this far, I was given work to do. I have to preregister to the hospital, carry around my records, and count kicks? This is all of the sudden feeling like my first pregnancy!!! My appointment went GREAT!! There is nothing going on, even though I am contracting a lot, it's all normal. I am not dilated at all, and the baby is not dropping yet either, all great news! I was also told that as of this coming week if I were to go into labor, I would have a "normal" labor and delivery! No stopping labor, no drama, just what happens in the movies, you wake up, figure out you are in labor and go to the hospital for a blissful delivery :) I am not that naive!! This is my 5th baby after all. At this point I am praying only for a healthy baby. If it takes 36 hours of labor to get there, so be it (Maybe I will start praying for a short labor too)!

Anticipation is now setting in. Not that I have ever been prepared for the babies cause they come so early, but this time I have the opportunity to plan and so I am prepared to have a baby! I packed for the hospital last week, yes! This week I purchased all of my last minute things and found a great stroller, the car seat is loaded with the girls baby doll in it, and the bath is ready for a tiny boy to relax in:) The bath, by the way, is so cool! I love gadgets and so does Craig so we are suckers for new gadgety things! Look it up, the PUJ. Its small, fits into a sink and then unfolds flat to dry and weighs NOTHING! I love gadgets! Speaking of gadgets, Craig's step mom Terri has been down helping us and she took me to pick up my last minute things and surprised me by getting the gadget of all gadgets! It's by 4moms and it the the smallest, coolest swing I have ever seen! It doesn't take batteries and you can plug in your iPod while it adjusts to 5 different types of motions for the baby! It is amazing how things change in 3 small years!! Don't get me started on the diaper options, breastfeeding accessories and developmental toys! I had to stop myself and remind myself that we were sticking to the basics and be proud, we did!

Pray for us as we enter the next 6 weeks. I have never entered the next 6 weeks. I have never felt these weird pains, so every ache and pain I wonder if its labor. I need to chill out and know that I HAVE been in labor before so I will know when its the real thing. So, this is me at 34 weeks, free of hospital, free of IV's, but still on bed rest. I will take it!

Doing better now :)

2011-10-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Last week I realize that my post what sort of sad. I shared my heart and what I was struggling through. I thought it was only right to update everyone on my emotional state:)

God is so great! He hears our cries, he knows our hearts and wants to lift our heads out of the pit. Being honest about where I was happened to be a great step in the right direction. I could think back and give myself a little bit of grace for the moment. I could remember that it is God that lifts my head, not myself, or Craig or my family or even my wonderful friends. I will say, the encouragement I have received has been awesome, but I know that is a result of God putting the perfect people in my life to surround me right now. He knows my needs before I even speak of them, that just amazes me!

Psalm 3:3-4
But you, O LORD, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
I cried aloud to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy hill.

So today, I am resting in the Lord, I want to, I have to. I have a few short weeks left on bed rest so knowing I may have another meltdown is fine, it's how I choose to handle it; alone or with the Lord fighting for me, lifting my head...

This too shall pass...

2011-10-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

I am in the home stretch of bed rest and have gone through many phases of emotions while on bed rest...

Phase 1: Weeks 20-26, the "I can do this" phase!
I felt great but knew that I needed to rest and learn to accept help when offered. I did a great job at this considering that I NEVER ask for help, I am self sufficient and do not like asking for help, at all. I know, totally a pride issue, but God clearly smacked me in the face with this one and gave me no choice but to swallow my pride and accept the help, so I did! My attitude was great (in my opinion, but don't ask Craig!), I was relying totally on God for a happy heart and good perspective. Phase 1 was a great phase!

Phase 2: Weeks 27-32, the "Wow, look how far I've come" phase!
This is when STRICT bed rest came into play. I had Craig's stepmom come live with us for a few weeks, then my baby sister came down, to make sure that I did NOTHING. I had to get past the "danger" zone and that I did!! I was determined to get through the point when I had preterm labor and then delivered Izzie, Maggie and Macey. I did it! I had soooo much help from friends and family and am soooo incredibly grateful that the Lord carried me through this phase with no major issues. Seeing how far the Lord carried me got me through this phase.

Phase 3: Weeks 33-37, the "I think I can, I know I can, but I am just too tired to listen anymore" phase!
I just started this phase and feel like a brick has hit me square in the face this week. I am done. I am exhausted. I am feeling failure, anger, sadness, guilt, anxiety, etc. Everything that I need to give up to the Lord, I am not. I am holding on tight to these terrible, no good emotions and feelings and so far this week not doing anything to change my current state of mind. The only good thing is that I am WELL AWARE of my state of mind, I know it is not doing me any good, but I am quickly melting down... Let's just wait until this phase is over to truly evaluate it. Today is NOT the day...

I say all of this to remind myself of something that my great pastor said on Sunday. When we are on the mountaintop, God is pruning us, preparing us for the valley. God is strengthening our souls for what is on the horizon. Yes, I was moody and had my moments the first 32 weeks of pregnancy, I am not saying that I was a walking praise song by any means, but really, I was on the mountaintop! I was praising the Lord for every positive appointment, every week that passed and Isaac was still in my tummy growing like a weed! I was thankful, thankful just to be given any opportunity to praise Him for the miracle he is about to perform by keeping His hand on me during this pregnancy. I accepted the help, I was thankful for whatever came my way and appreciated all the little things Craig was doing to keep me happy and comfortable. Once again, don't ask Craig's opinion on this, I don't claim to be perfect :)

So what changed? I don't know. Maybe it was Izzie throwing up all Saturday night and feeling so helpless. It could've been that my birthday was Thursday and I spent the entire day at the doctor. Yesterday was Izzie's birthday and I failed her. If it wasnt for my precious daughter Macey, there would've been no party at all. She baked and decorated a cake, went into Harris Teeter with my debit card and bought balloons to celebrate with pizza for dinner! She is truly amazing. It could've been when Maggie started throwing up at 4:30 this morning and I had to go into mom mode, getting no sleep the rest of the night, cleaning up puke and disinfecting, washing sheets, towels and toilets and realizing, yes, today is the day that I am SUPPOSED to celebrate 14 years of wedded bliss to my husband Craig, only I am exhausted, grouchy, and in no mood to celebrate anything. Basically, this week has been an epic fail and it's only Tuesday. I am feeling the affects of bed rest this week because it is a busy week. Typically, I LOVE to celebrate my birthday. It's a big deal to me, and maybe me only, ha!! I LOVE to celebrate my kids, and didn't do that well either, and our anniversary. The day isn't over, but I am still in my pjs. Not very romantic for Craig to come home to. You can call me Debbie Downer today. I am going to shower, pray, read and pray that the Lord delivers me from this pit of self pitty. It's not a fun place to be..

22 Days... but who's counting?!

2011-10-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

ME, that's who!!

I will be 36 weeks in 22 days, therefore, I will be able to stop laying around all day, reading books. and watching terrible television :)

It just occurred to me that this is 3 weeks away!!! I have done nothing to prepare, other than my sister coming to wash all of the baby boy clothes that she brought me, which, by the way, have filled his dresser already! Did I also mention that Craig had a blast at BabyGap a few weeks ago and bought a huge bag of clothes for this little guy. He will not be lacking in the clothing department, however, he WILL be lacking his basic needs if I don't get my bottom off the couch and prepare for his arrival, ha! I could be snuggling a little miracle in 3 weeks, that is so exciting!!!

Today I am packing my hospital bag, just in case I need it over the next few weeks. I have never packed a hospital bag before. It's a very strange feeling to pack in anticipation of labor. Normally, we go into labor first, then when things settle down, I send Craig home to bring me some things. So, I started researching online things to bring to the hospital. Well, it is crazy the things people will list as "needed" for labor. IF you brought these things, I am totally NOT picking on you, I promise. I have never had the time to even consider bringing the following items, so to me, and maybe only to me, it sounds so funny!

Music, for the baby to enter the world peacefully. Please tell me what would ever make the way a new baby enters the world peaceful. I am so glad they have no memory of that moment! Certainly music is NOT the magic behind a peaceful entry. I am pretty certain it is the voice of and touch of their mommy's and daddy's that bring the first feelings of comfort, but, what do I know. It's only my 5th child, ha!

A SIGNED birthplan. Never had time to think of this one folks. Birth plan shmirth plan. My labors were all too fast, and too crazy to consider telling any physician or nurse that I knew better than them. I let them tell me what to do and it worked great in my situations. When you sign something, its concrete, so IF there is an emergency (which there always is with me), then you deal with feelings of failure for not following through on YOUR plan. Trust me, God's plan always trumps our plans anyway :)

A labor reference book, to refer to while in labor. Really?! When you are trying to breathe through the most painful pain you may ever feel, the last thing on your mind is "Honey, grab the book, tell me what to do next!!" Hahahaha, this one just makes me laugh out loud!!

Massage Tools. I have only a few words and most women that have had a baby get this statement: "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Your own towels and washcloths. Pack light ladies, hopeful you won't live there like I had too...

Swim trunks for spouse. I didn't see a pool at any of the 4 hospitals we have delivered in, but times are changing, maybe we will deliver at the Renaissance and go for a swim after! Why didn't it mention a swimsuit for me? Oh, I will be naked in a pool delivering a baby. Nope, not for me...

Focal Point. Your hubby, Nuff said. He won't take up any room in your hospital bag and you can place him wherever you want, even outside if needed, ha!

Okay, I am done making fun. There were more, but I am feeling I may have crossed the line. I am just a simple girl. I just want to get to the hospital, have a baby and snuggle that baby forever. Here are the things in MY hospital bag. Since I have taken the liberty of poking fun at the world's hospital bag, here is your turn to "roast" my bag, ha!! If you have any suggestions, other than those listed above, please feel free to help me out here :)

ChapStick. Hospitals are dry, I have always needed chapstick and had to run to the gift shop and pay double.
Slippers. Floors are gross. Nuf said.
Nursing Bra. I will be nursing, therefore I NEED a nursing bra.
Underwear. Must I really explain the need for this one?
Outfit to come home in. Most likely it will be the outfit I arrived in, I have no plans of losing 40 pounds in the hospital.
Change of clothes. Comfy outfit to wear when all my visitors come. YOU are my visitors :)
Hard Candy. I remember being cut off from food, so suckers worked great! Also, I have 4 kids to occupy after this baby comes. Candy will help.
Chewing Gum. Craig will appreciate this one...
Toiletries. Gotta shower
Camera. Gotta capture the memories
iPhone 4S. Gotta text, call or Skype the world and announce the birth!
Outfit for Isaac to wear home. He is wearing his cousin James' coming home outfit, soo cute!
Blanket for Isaac. It will be cold in November/December, because he will be full term!
Car Seat. It's the law!

We cannot wait to meet this precious boy and he WILL be spoiled by not only me, but his daddy, brother and 3 sisters. He has no clue the love that is about to surround him :)

Another Day, Another Goal

2011-10-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

Yes! Today I am 32 weeks pregnant and still going strong. I am not sure if strong is the word, I am actually trying not to grow weary...

I am so excited to be 32 weeks and still pregnant, that goes without saying. It's actually a miracle, I have NEVER been this far along without either having been admitted to the hospital for preterm labor or already delivered a baby. Its a huge deal! I know that for most women who have been pregnant, they have no idea how this must feel. In fact, a majority of my girlfriends never go into labor on their own, they are always induced into labor. Most women do not have to take it easy at all when they are pregnant. I, however, cannot lift, bend, twist, cough, sneeze or laugh without having a contraction, ha! Anyway, bedrest is paying off for this little man and he seems to be very happy in this belly:)

I am growing tired of my lifestyle though. I am tired of laying around all day, tired of watching people clean while I read, I feel like Cinderella's step sister! Cinderella! Cinderella!

Today I should be sooo happy, but I am sad. I just feel helpless to my kids, my husband, my friends and my family.

So, after having a bad morning, and realizing that I couldn't even escape to go anywhere to breathe, I did escape to my screened in porch and read for about 3 hours. I read parts of a great book called Kisses from Katie, so far its a sweet story about a young girl who is living in Uganda and teaching. I am only to the part where she is describing Uganda and already I want to get back to that place, to those people, to that culture. Then I picked up and started reading through my bible plan. I was a few days behind (sorry ladies) and had a chance to just sit and read. I am in Matthew, Mark, Luke & John right now since I am reading through chronologically, it skips through many books at a time. I am so overwhelmed by the life of Jesus! I have so many new questions about his life and how he was treated both good and terrible. Our church happens to be doing a new sermon series called Epic and I am so pumped about it for many reasons. Most of my Old Testament questions are being answered every week and in a few weeks, I KNOW Jimmy will answer my New Testament questions. I love how God orchestrated my decision to read through the bible with Jimmy's sermons this year, ha!!

My point, yes, my point... I had to break out of my flesh, to gain a different perspective and I could not do that while sitting in my sorrows. By going just outside onto my porch, I was far enough removed to refocus, confess my terrible, no good attitude and then see that the Lord IS good to me, even when I am not seeing it cause I am too busy enjoying my sinful nature. In fact, it was just yesterday that I blogged about how thankful I was for all my help and support throughout this pregnancy and not even 24 hours later I am complaining?!

So I had to say all of that to say currently I am reminded that I could be in the hospital, but I am not. I could have a very tiny, sick baby in intensive care, but I don't. I may have a small mess in my house, our schedule may be non existent right now, my kids may be learning to take advantage of bedrest too, but this is all so temporary. In a few short months, I will have a miracle, a new life. Our family will slowly return to what it should be, my kids will be normal again (I pray), and all of this stress will be a memory. It's my job to make sure that the memories are sweet, and that I don't sour them with my stinky attitude. I needed to get into the word, to read about the wonderful character and love of my Jesus and then see that I needed an eternal perspective. I needed to break away and read about an amazing young women who at a young age rid herself of all of her earthly luxuries to reach the poor, the orphaned, even if only one came to know Jesus, that would be enough for her, WOW!

There is a song that I just love! Some of the lyrics say: "We're giving it all away, away! We're giving it all to go Your way!" That's what I did! I gave it all away, to go His way, not mine :)

Thank You Will Never Feel Like Enough to Me, Never...

2011-10-15T16:10:00.000-07:00

I have been on bed rest for about 6 weeks now and that means that for the past 6 weeks MANY MANY people have sacrificed a lot for me. I know that my "moms" have done everything they have done out of their love for me and their desire to make this pregnancy restful and full term!!

I look back over the past 6 weeks and see what the Lord has provided for me and my family, and honestly it is VERY overwhelming. I have had so much help, so much help that I haven't even asked for but can't imagine living without at this point.

The week I was told to start taking this pregnancy seriously and start resting happened to be the same week we were MOVING! Really Lord?! Thank for for this house, but what? I am telling you, we had so much help moving and settling into this house that I began to feel like there is NO way I could possibly pay everyone for their sacrifice in helping us move! I had friends taking my little kids for days while other friends came and moved furniture, cleaned my old house, brought us meals, unpacked, and organized. If I dared to get up off the couch, they also had no problem telling me to sit my tail back down! Thank you so much. We have lived here for almost 2 months and I still look around and know that this would not have happened without each one of you that helped our family move. Thank you will never feel like enough to me, never...

My mom older brother and older sister also came down and organized, set up, decorated, packed, unpacked, etc! They did not leave until they felt it was safe for me to still rest. My older sister made Craig's life very peaceful by completely setting up his home office for him, organizing his files and getting his papers all up to date, awesome! My brother was the muscle man that got everybody moving and didn't leave until everything was in the new house! My mom was here for about a month (and even though we gave her shingles), she never stopped working to make this house a home for us. To see my family step up and just show up and serve really melted my heart in a big way. Once again, thank you will never feel like enough to me, never...

Once my family left, my friends knew that I would still need help, after all, I still have 4 kids to homeschool, clean, feed, discipline and occupy their time. I had some great friends come to me and tell me they had a plan to come out to the house once a week to clean, and bring a meal. This is just a huge blessing! They knew the heavy burden Craig would carry to try and work and still be here for us, so they jumped in without asking and just did what they knew they could do and it has been HUGE, HUGE! Once again, thank you will never feel like enough to me, never...

My mother in law then came down for 2 weeks and pampered me, the kids, and Craig! Terri cooked us gourmet meals, helped with homeschool (she is a retired "teacher of the year" teacher...yep!), cleaned, took Maggie to school, organized and just took great care of us! Those 2 weeks she was here were very crucial to my bed rest. I knew that I had to get through those 2 weeks and she made it so easy, so easy. Once again, thank you will never feel like enough to me, never...

My baby sister was just here for her weekend to help, and she rocked it! She got here, took all 6 kids to church less than 30 minutes after arriving, came home, put everyone to bed and got to work! She washed ALL the baby clothes and organized everything, it was so fun to watch her, ha!! We had a great weekend and she even snuck me out of the house to get some big belly photos taken :) The kicker... when she left, she took Trent and Izzie with her home! (I know, how mean, that I am so outwardly thankful and shouting for joy! You be pregnant, on bed rest, and try chasing after a 2 year old screaming and crying) They are having a great time with their cousins this week and yes, Trent is still doing school work while he is gone, it is all under control. Yes, they are coming home, I am just taking my time deciding on a date, ha! Once again, thank you will never feel like enough to me, NEVER...

That brings us to this week! My out of town helpers are all back home, and Craig is left to take care of me and Macey and Maggie. It's been a good week! Craig has for the most part been able to stay home from work and take Maggie to school. Macey has been very diligent about her school work and Craig has been killing it in the kitchen! I mean, I am scared that when I am able to cook again, its gonna be bad and the kids are gonna want daddy to cook instead of mommy! My friends are still going strong, helping every chance they can! In fact, they cannot even just come and hang out now without finding something that they can clean, pick up, or help with, ha!! Once again, thank you will never feel like enough to me, never...

Looking forward, I still have about 4 1/2 weeks left of bed rest left before I will be considered full term. It happens to be the week of Thanksgiving that I will be 37 weeks, so watch out! You may find me, cooking, cleaning, decorating, and THEN going into labor!

For the next month, I am going to continue resting, accepting help, and counting my blessings! I am so thankful, so thankful! The Lord has given me the BEST support system this past 8 months and I do KNOW how blessed I am that the Lord knew my needs and provided for them continually, knowing how stubborn I am, knowing I would never call and ask for help, he gave me a dream team of helpers, for that I am thankful!

Yes, I am working on actual "thank you" cards. I am actually a terrible note writer, just awful! I have christmas cards that were never even sent out! I went through the trouble of making them, but just never mailed them. I am working on it, I promise!! In the meantime, consider this my informal, but completely genuine THANK YOU!!!!!

Our little Mag Pie

2011-10-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

Maggie has gone through a lot of transition since I have been pregnant, and had a happy heart with most of these changes too!

I need to brag on Maggie.

Maggie is our sassy, sometimes ill tempered, wordy, BUT hilarious, joyful, and extremely cuddly 4 year old. From birth until recently she is the one that we would fear being in public with in case she decided to have a freak out moment, or talk sassy, forcing us to discipline her, only causing more freaking out. The cycle continued, but Craig and I have worked on consistency with Maggie, and it has NOT been easy! It's easier in the short term to give the screamer whatever it is she is screaming for to temporarily relieve the pain in my ear and the sweat pouring from me out of embarrassment! Maggie is either SUGAR or SPICE, in every essence of the words! She is changing so much though!

This past month, I have been on stricter bed rest and she comes to me many times in the day just to snuggle and hold my belly. She loves to talk to Isaac and feel him kicking and squirming :) She patiently waits with either her hand or head resting on me and just giggles when she feels him move, I love it!!

Maggie is working on sharing with her sister Izzie, keeping her hands to herself and using her words words to make Izzie feel loved, not hurt, or rejected. She has really done much better. (This is a daily battle)

Maggie, who typically HATES doctors, dentists, or anything other than pretend play, went to the dentist with Macey and did awesome!! She started to get weepy and quickly showed me she had self control and obeyed the dentist completely! This was HUGE for Maggie, huge!! All she wanted for reward was a new toothbrush so she could keep the boo boo's out of her mouth and girlfriend reminds ME to brush her teeth all the time still, 6 months later, ha!

Maggie loves to serve!! She relishes any opportunity to "help", really! Now, obey orders is completely different, ha!! If she hears that we need help with something, she is on it! She heard me say I needed to lay down cause my feet hurt, and a few minutes later she shows up with lotion and the desire to rub my feet :) That not only felt good, but saved the family about $40, ha!!

Maggie has been such a joy to be around this past 8 months. I can see so much maturity in her. She is growing into such a happy, loving, enjoyable child. It melts my heart to see her being kind to her sissy :)

Maggie has been struggling at home to be busy and wants to do school, its just not that easy while I am on bed rest. I can't do all the preschool activities I had planned out for this year, so Craig and I decided to send her to preschool and she LOVES it! I already posted on this previously, but she loves that this is special just Maggie time!

All of this change for sure deserves a great reward every now and then, so a mani/pedi was so necessary for this little princess! She was hilarious, sat alone waiting for her appointment and then held a conversation with the nail tech during her entire appointment, ha!

All of this change has made for a great sleeper as well! She is outgrowing her naps, so once a week we make her nap and go to bed early and she is very obedient and stays in bed. Her little sister on the other hand, well, that's another post! Izzie is taking her terrible 2's very seriously these days and it is wearing us all out!!

Maggie Dawn, your daddy and I love you so very much! We love watching you grow up and learn obedience and self control. I love your little personality, happy heart or not so happy sometimes. I love that you know everyday that Jesus loves you, he made you just the way you are and it pleases Him so very much to see your love for your family, your obedient heart, and willingness to serve. My prayer is that you would grow to understand your purpose to give God ALL the glory in everything you do in this life. I can't wait to see how much of a big help you are going to be to your new baby brother!

2011-09-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

Today dear friends of ours are getting on a plane with their 3 kids (and 1 in the oven) and flying to Uganda to pick up their precious little girl that they are adopting. The adoption process has been going on since last October and for the next 6 weeks they will be in Uganda attending court dates, bonding with their new child and anxiously awaiting the day when they can come home and be a family.

This morning Tasha stopped by to say goodbye, one last time :( It is so hard to say goodbye, no matter what the circumstance is. I am over joyed for them, but sad that they will be gone for so long. The fact that they are bringing back their new child to love and raise as their own makes me sooooo emotional!

So, please join me over these next 6 weeks and pray for their safety, their health, that the Lord would show favor to their family and make this process quick and easy. That there would be no delay and that maybe, just maybe, they could be home in time for October 31 because their son Zeke absolutely LOVES wearing costumes and it would thrill his heart to be able to wear a costume again AND get candy for wearing it, ha!! ( He is not allowed to take his costumes to Uganda )

Josh, Tasha, Areyna, Zeke, & Cai, we cannot wait for you to come back and introduce us all to your new little sister Alethia! I love ya'll!

29 Weeks and STILL Pregnant!

2011-09-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

Today I met my first goal! Today I am 29 weeks pregnant, going into my 30th week! I am officially more pregnant than I was nearly 3 years ago with sweet little Izzie! I woke up today and was so thankful!

28 weeks with Izzie, I was in the hospital on STRICT bedrest, I couldn't even get up to pee, had to pee in a weird kidney shaped pee pan!

29 weeks with Izzie, I was waking up delirious and confused from an emergency c-section. It happened so fast and my only memories are ones told to me through Craig :(

29 weeks with Izzie, I was no longer 29 weeks pregnant, but a mommy to a 2 pound 10 ounce miracle that was alive and fighting to live. I couldn't hold her, or touch her, but she was still perfect to me.

The next 8 weeks were spent living at the hospital and being a part time mom at home. I would never ever take back those precious bonding times that I got with Izzie as I watched her learn to breathe on her own; suck, swallow, & breathe at the same time; hold her body temperature; outgrow apnea, all the things she was supposed to do in my tummy over the next 12 weeks, I got to watch from her bed side. It was tough, but I cannot replace what I learned those 8 weeks and the dependency on the Lord that can only be learned through tough times.

Oh memories, they make me cry, they make me smile, they make me so grateful! My tears now are tears of gratitude for the protection the Lord had over my life and the life of our delicate little girl. Both of our lives were at risk that day but God had a plan and still does. I will rejoice and be glad with each new day. He is really showing off this pregnancy and constantly reminding me not to doubt, or worry or be anxious.

So TODAY I am still pregnant! I feel good, and I have reached my very first goal! I am going into my 30th week of pregnancy and it is so great! I had an ultrasound on Thursday that looked great! Little man looks amazing, no need for any concerns!

It's hard not to compare with my past, especially my most recent past pregnancy. That has been the battle in my mind this entire pregnancy, to focus on now and what God can and WILL do, not to dwell on the past experiences.

My Aunt Dorcas sent me an encouraging text this week. She was checking in on me and something so simple that she said really allowed me to see bedrest a little differently and to see prayer and obedience a little differently also... She said "stay in bed so our prayers are answered. If you don't its kind of like asking God to help you on an exam you didn't study for." I am sooo incredibly thankful for my family and friends that are constantly praying for me and this precious baby! My obedience is a big part in this pregnancy, and I am working really hard at staying put!

In 3 more weeks from today, I will be 32 weeks pregnant. Pray for me to reach my 2nd goal, 32 weeks! I am the ~~little~~ big engine that could, and WILL!

5th time is a charm I hear :)

My Maggie was sent to Prison, I mean Preschool...

2011-09-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows I homeschool, everyone knows I am pregnant with our 5th child AND everyone knows I am on bed rest for the next 9 weeks, right? Right.

Okay, so preschool is rocking my world! I thought it was tough to homeschool 2 middle schoolers, well, that is a piece of cake compared to the planning, purchasing and hands on work required to teach a preschooler. I may have a better attitude or outlook if I wasn't confined to bed rest right now and unable to purchase supplies and do all the fun preschool activities I had planned...

So, I have been talking to Craig and sharing my concerns about not being available to teach Maggie like I had planned to this and year and the possibility of looking into sending her to preschool. Well, I quickly found a sensitive spot in my husband! He understood my concerns, but was not on board for preschool, at all! He thought it was sad to send only Maggie to preschool while everyone else stays home (maybe if he stayed home and home schooled he would understand why she is the only one needing to get sent away, ha!). Well, I found an opening at a great preschool! Apparently there have been parents that camp out to get a spot in this place and they just happened to have an opening! It was providential!!

I called Craig and had him stop by and get the paperwork and every so reluctantly he did. Then he called and said "I am on my way home, I stopped by the prison, I mean preschool and got your papers." Daddy seems to be suffering from separation anxiety, why am I just fine, ha!!

Well, we decided for now, to get her through this year and have special time for just her, we would send her (Craig is okay, but still very sensitive about the subject). It all happened so fast too! I turned in the paperwork and she started this afternoon!!

I haven't mentioned how Maggie felt about all of this, so I thought I would just show you the picture of her waiting to go into her class for the first time...

Take Captive Each Thought

2011-09-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

I have trouble focusing. I can start out in focus and then my mind wanders. I wake up praying and feeling confident, and then I have a contraction and wonder "Is today the day I go into labor?" "Is it happening earlier this time?" "No, not again, can't I have a normal pregnancy!"

The problem I have is a steady surrender. When I do surrender every thought, every doubt, every concern or worry, it is taken from me, as He promises. When I CHOOSE (because yes, it is a choice) to dwell on the doubts, negative thoughts, & worries, it only provides more space between me and God. If I want to walk with Him, closer to Him daily, then I have to set my mind on things eternal. I have to make a choice each and every time to capture my thoughts and hand it over to the Lord.

Wednesday was a rough day. My mom left on Monday and I was trying to come up with a plan to rest, all the while feeling nothing but guilt for my household. The babies were running around like wild animals with no direction or structure, Trent and Macey were attempting school work but constantly distracted by the "wild animals". So, immediate stress set in. I am just laying around watching the family crumble! I can't do bed rest, its impossible! I had a list of reasons in that moment why I deserved to stress out, and needed to get up and be a mom, clean the house, take care of the kids, bed rest just isn't going to work...

Then, something really neat happened. I started to get text messages from dear friends out of the blue, phone calls out of the blue from dear friends. They were all just calling or texting cause I was on their heart. They just wanted to let me know they were praying for me, thinking about me, wondering if there was anything they could do for me (tears started flowing). I didn't respond to all the phone calls and texts (sorry) because I was overwhelmed with God's goodness in that moment. I was ready to get up and throw in the towel and instead I was encouraged by the people that love me to hang in there, that I have support (I just need to learn to ask for help). God was surrounding me in that moment with His people to lift me up out of the pit, even when I had made the choice to grumble and stress.

One of those texts included the following verses from a dear friend. She has been where I have been and chose to meditate on scripture through these times. I wanted to share it because most of the time we read a part of scripture, but stop before the good part! That is what I have done with both of these scriptures and until my friend texted me the entire passage, I only saw part of it, and I liked it, but never read any further.

For you formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:13-16 ESV)

Sure, I love Psalm 139, most people know that one, but stop at being fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well; That part I must have missed before, and verse 16, he already knows everyday, they have already been written! That should immediately eliminate any stress or worry, cause God's got this! He has had this from BEFORE day 1 :)

Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice.

Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 4:4-7 ESV)

Then I read on to Philippians 4 and of course, I know that verse very well too, but have never read on. I stop at Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say Rejoice. Like it is a command and it stops there, but it doesn't. The Lord is at hand, He is here, he wants me to come to Him in prayer and thanksgiving and I am promised His peace, His protection!

This year I am reading through the bible with an AMAZING group of friends, whom I KNOW the Lord placed intentionally in my life. I am learning through reading, to keep on reading. Don't just go to what you know, there is something new to be found no matter how much you think you may know about the bible.

It is a daily battle, a daily surrender, but a choice. A choice that I am going to have to make every moment, but I also am promised a peace that only comes from my maker.

Do the benefits outweigh the risks???

2011-09-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

This is my 5th pregnancy, 5th baby, and 5th high risk pregnancy. One thing that has never ever made any sense is why I go into preterm labor. I have always been healthy, always taken care of myself, never done drugs, and yet each time I go into labor early and for different reasons. It's honestly quite frustrating. I have heard people say "you are just so tiny, so you can't carry full term" (as much as I would LOVE to think I am that tiny, I have very dear friends that are tinier than me and have to get induced each pregnancy), "maybe my cervix is incompetent" (although this is a possibility I have gone through so many medical tests, and each time up until the minute I go into labor, every part of me checks out wonderfully)... I have myself thought up reasons why I go into labor early each time and why each time I go into labor more and more early. No matter what I research, it just doesn't make sense. I feel great until the day I go into labor. No major warning signs (I am so thankful that I journal cause I have gone through my history a few times), just BAM, labor, bed rest, bed rest works temporarily but ultimately I end up having the baby early, way too early. I was on bed rest for over a month with Trent, for a month with Macey, for almost a month with Maggie and only lasted 4 days on bed rest with Izzie. If I was in my 7th or 8th month before going into preterm labor it wouldn't be such a big deal, but 14 weeks before my due date is very scary, very scary...

So I am left asking myself again, "what is the point of bed rest and do the benefits outweigh the risks?"

Here are the benefits of bed rest:
Bedrest helps to keep blood pressure low (for patients with these type of issues)
Bedrest allows the body to stabilize itself and keep the weight and pressure off the obvious
Bedrest decreases stress
Here are the risks of bed rest:
Bedrest for long periods of time can cause a life threatening blood clot in your leg
Bedrest for long periods of time can cause bed sores (gross!)
Bedrest can cause your muscles to weaken along with your metabolism and endurance
Bedrest can cause depression and feelings of isolation and insecurity

So, there you have it, those are the risks and benefits. Notice I did NOT include in the benefits a full term chunky monkey cause that has yet to happen for me :)

I am even more confused as to what is best, but for now, I am sticking with resting. I am only 27 weeks pregnant and have to make it through the next month. I guess I will roll over from my right side to my left side so I don't get any bed sores and make sure Craig reads these risks when he gets home and have him massage my legs, ha!

Common Bedrest Myths

2011-09-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

Trying to find things to do on bed rest is harder than you can imagine. I have heard soooo many people say, just rest, read a book, do this, do that, take it easy, enjoy this time, blah blah blah... (If you were one of those, I apologize for my sarcasm, really :)

Here are some common myths of bed rest that I can now claim as a myth because I have been on bed rest 5 TIMES!!!
You can finally relax all day!
You can take a nap whenever!
You can catch up on all that reading!
Enjoy being waited on hand and foot :)
You don't have to clean the house!
Read these blogs!
Blog (I am trying this one out :)

There are so many more, but it overwhelms me to think of them all honestly! One thing MANY of you already know about is that I REALLY struggle asking for help. To call and ask someone to clean my house, take care of my kids, take the dog for a walk, scrub my nasty toilets, feed my family, etc., well, it most likely won't happen. Call it pride if you want to but I really struggle asking for help.

I am getting better, I promise :) All I have to do is think back to the birth of our little Isabelle. Izzie was born 11.5 weeks early, weighing 2 pounds 10 ounces and was in the intensive care unit at WakeMed for a full 8 weeks. It was one of the toughest periods in my life. All of my babies have come early, but have never been in the intensive care for longer than 2 weeks, so this was very tough on us.

I say all of this to say, have patience with me friends :) I am not very good at calling and asking for help. It actually hurts me that I require help, ask Craig! It is so bad that tonight I was looking at the floor and thinking "I cannot wait until I can vacuum these floors myself and mop them!!" I am sure after the first few times I may not think that anymore, ha!!

I have discovered Pinterest!! Love it, thank you Liz :) I have also found, thanks to Pinterest, some neat resources for homeschool that I can do right from my couch. I am praying that I can rest and not be anxious over the next 13 weeks, so pray for peace, patience, rest, and a full term chubby little Mayhugh boy!!

Guest Blogger...

2011-09-07T05:08:00.001-07:00

Since I have had no time to sit and blog, even though I should only be sitting, here is a really great blog my dad sent me from a friend of his on anxiety. Enjoy!

Overcoming Anxiety
The salt water was clear and warm, perfect for a morning dive. The waves had flattened out to small rollers and there was virtually no wind. I adjusted my mask and fins, and took a deep breath before plunging below the surface.

I was free diving off the coast of Florida on a Saturday morning. I was a few hundred yards off shore in water 15 to 20 feet deep. The plan was to scour the bottom for sand dollars. There was no real agenda; it was just a nice way to spend a morning. I wore a weighted belt to help propel me to the bottom faster. My black mesh dive bag was attached to my belt by a clip on my left side, just waiting to hold any treasure I might find.

Now, whenever I am in the water off the coast of Florida, I am aware that there are sharks around me. Before you panic, please understand you have a better chance of being killed by a dog in the United States than of being bitten by a shark. In Florida, you have a better chance of being struck by lightning. And every year, more people win the lottery than get bit by a shark. So, really folks, it’s not that big of a deal. I could go on and on but it seems futile to try and win over folks who have just finished watching Shark Week on the Discovery channel.

Mind you, I am not foolish. I always take precautions. I don’t swim at dusk and dawn when fish are more actively feeding. And I never swim at night. That would be crazy, even for my standards.

So it is mid-morning and I have made several dives to the bottom and already have a bit of a haul in my dive bag. I rose to the surface with several sand dollars clenched in my hand and blew out my snorkel, clearing the air way for a breath of fresh air. Treading water with my face and mask still below the surface, I reached over to my left to put the sand dollars in the dive bag and discovered the bag was missing. “Oh, no” I thought. Somehow it had come unclipped and I had no idea if I would be able to find it again. Frantically I looked around off to my left to see if I could spot it in the water somewhere.

In that moment, in my peripheral vision, I saw a dark object coming in at me from my right side. In a split-second I panicked. I wheeled around to face the attack, thrashing in the water, my mind reeling. But by that point it was already right next to my right side.

It was my dive bag.

The dive belt was still attached to my weight belt with the clip. But somehow, while I was diving, the whole belt shifted around so that now the bag was on my right side. I looked around to see if anyone else had witnessed the drama, comforted that no one seemed to notice.

I had momentarily been terrified over nothing but a mesh dive bag. And I do mean terrified. And when you think about it, not many people get killed by dive bags each year. It’s probably not very high on the list.

But sometimes that’s just the way we react. Before we have all the facts, we momentarily lose it. Looking back, we hope that no one noticed how overly dramatic we were when the situation turned out to be not quite as bad as it seemed.

I’m talking about life, of course, and those situations we face that seem frightening but in hind sight are really not that big of a deal.

The key is to remember the facts. What are the facts? Here are a few to consider:

1. My situation has not taken God by surprise. He knows everything.

2. God knows the future plans he has for me, plans that include the events of today.

3. God loves me more than I can possibly imagine.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be anxious. It is something God convicted me about a few weeks ago. When I am anxious, it is a sign that something is out of whack in my relationship with God. At its heart, anxiety is a breakdown in trust. It says “I know what the Bible says about God and his character, but I don’t really believe it.”

Matthew 6 is the passage that God led me to at the height of my anxiety. Three times Jesus says “therefore, do not be anxious.” You can read it for yourself in verses 18 through 34. Each time he says this, it is in response to a specific issue he is addressing.

The first time he makes this statement, it follows his command to not store up treasures here on earth but instead, to store up treasure in heaven. When I fail to follow this command, it leads to a place of anxiety. In my opinion, the vast majority of issues we face in North America are a result of the failure to follow this one simple command. “You cannot serve God and money. Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious….” So much of our stress revolves around the fear of losing something God said we were not supposed to store up on this earth anyway.

The second time he makes this statement, it follows his teaching on understanding my value to himself. If God cares for the needs of a bird, will he not much more feed you? Are you not much more valuable then a bird? Therefore, do not be anxious.

The final time he says this, it is immediately after he tells us to seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness. When I fail to do this and instead seek after my own kingdom, my own authority to run my life, it leads to a place of anxiety every time. But when I am seeking God’s kingdom, - his authority, his dominion, his right to my life - then I have nothing to worry about. God has it all under control. Therefore, do not be anxious.

Friend, where are you at in your life today? Is there something you are anxious about? Is it just possible that you are panicking over something that will seem silly looking back from eternity’s shore? Remember the facts. Remember not to store up your treasures here, but to store them up in heaven instead. Remember how valuable you are to God. And remember he has it all under control.

Till next month,

No room for drama in this mama's schedule!

2011-08-17T05:49:00.000-07:00

As a mom, I am putting fires out all day. Someone is always taking someone's something, Macey looked at Trent the wrong way, Trent won't stop scaring the girls, Izzie is teasing Maggie, Maggie is fighting back (shocker!); there is NEVER a dull moment in the Mayhugh house, trust me! I can put out a fire among the kids in my home but one thing I am very new at and clearly still learning about is friend drama. I am not prepared to deal with my kids getting hurt by a friend or even my kids being the kid that hurt someone else, either situation is tough as a mom to walk through. No mom wants to be the mom of a brat, or have a child that is constantly getting picked on by others and made to feel anything less than loved.

I hate drama, and up until now, the drama consisted of "mom, she took my toy!" I can handle that, no problem! The problem I am now running into is "tween" issues, ugh!! My wonderful pastor's wife, Beverly, has always told me that the reason I keep having more kids is because non of them have hit puberty yet, ha!! So much truth to that statement! Beverly, I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR FINALLY!

From birth, the goal for us is to shape the hearts of our children to someday have a heart that loves the Lord and loves people unconditionally, that's right, unconditionally! I try to point everything to the condition of our heart, but it gets more and more tough as Trent and Macey get older. Now some major sin is creeping slowly in. Gossip, slander, anger, pride... where do I begin to get them to respond with the grace and love that I only wish I had at 11 & 12 years old?

I grew up in a generation of eye for an eye! If someone hits you, hit them back! If someone says something mean, set them straight darn it, don't let them hurt you! As a mom and follower of Christ, all of the sudden that seems so messed up! My flesh wants to repeat those words, every time! The problem is the Holy Spirit creeps in and convicts my heart and then I don't know what to say cause it doesn't make sense in this world.

"Why are you stirring up unnecessary drama? Do you think you are treating that person how you would like to be treated by them? Think before you speak, you don't want to really hurt people, do you?"

"Honey, I know your friend is running around telling people all sorts of stuff about you and it hurts you, but you know it's not true, and you have to rise above and show grace and compassion for them anyway, cause that is what Jesus would do and we want to be like Jesus, right?"

Right? RIGHT? Yes, right! Even when my insides are turning with hurt for my kids in these situations, I have to remember a few things:

1. My kids are watching my response like a hawk! Any move in the wrong direction is justification for them to respond the wrong way.

2. My heavenly Father is watching my response and waiting to either convict my heart or fill it with peace knowing I am pleasing him in my response.

3. The WORLD is watching me! Am I reflecting Christ or am I being a reactor? Will people look at me and think, wow, that was unnecessary! Or, will they notice nothing because I am not feeding into the drama?

Well, I am NOT writing this to say that I always do the right thing, ha! A lot of the times, my smelly flesh creeps in and I am left repenting of my grouchy heart and apologizing to either my kids or somebody (yes, Craig hears a lot of I am sorry these days:)

Words, emotions, actions, & responses hurt people. Our example is one of unconditional love and forgiveness, unfortunately that is not the world we live in. Do we want to infect our kids with our baggage or teach them healthy relationships at a much younger age than we did?

There is no room for drama in this mama's schedule, so why do I even bother allowing it to become anything but a learning experience for my kids?

Progress Report

2011-08-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

So, my very first blog ever was my new year goals. I was reading through them tonight and thought I would check my own progress. Why not share it with the world, after all, I did share the original goals, ha! Only 1 condition, no judging, I AM pregnant now and was NOT when I wrote this list, ha!!

First goal, read through the bible this year.

I hate to toot my own horn, but, toot toot!! I am doing great with this goal. The ladies I meet with every 2 weeks have become very near and dear to my heart, so that is a big bonus!! As of today, I am a little behind on my reading plan, by about a week, but I have a plan to catch up, its called bed rest, ha!!

Second goal, plan out my homeschooling better.

Well, this is certainly a major improvement from last year! We have actually already started school this year in order to allow for more breaks when the baby comes, or weeks like this one when I am slammed with other stuff! I have planned out the first 12 weeks and plan on getting the entire year planned out by the fall. I am very happy with our curriculum choice and the rules in place for each day, yeah!!

Third goal, to make a routine/schedule for my daily life and live by it!

EPIC FAILURE ALERT!!!! Okay, we DO have a school routine now in place, but that is just over the past 3 weeks. Up until then I was sick sick sick, & tired tired tired! Being pregnant with number 5 is rocking my world, read the previous blog to understand this one!

Fourth goal, keep my fitness plan up, no slacking!

I am going to call this a success UNTIL week 7 of my pregnancy which was around the end of April. Morning sickness and fatigue took over. I had days when I went to the gym to walk but other than that, bring on the pounds cause I am eating for 2, ha! I will re-assess in 2012 :)

Fifth goal, nurture my relationships.

This is a tough one, because I have been nurtured more by my amazing friends & family over the past 5 months than I have actually nurtured them :) This has really allowed me to grow a MAJOR love and appreciation for my relationships because when I cannot step it up, there they are, no strings attached. So, for this one, I just love the way the Lord has drawn me close to Him this year and really poured out his love and favor in my life including in my relationships.

Well, there you have it, my personal progress report. I hope that this encourages everyone to press on, I don't consider m short comings a failure, but an opportunity to really allow God to reveal where I need to step it up the next 5 months :)

The rest of the year is guaranteed to be a busy one, we have purchased a home, we are homeschooling, having a baby, 3 birthdays and an anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas... I guess I really do need to focus more on the "setting a routine" goal!

Finally feeling pregnant, so now what?!

2011-08-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

For months I have been sick, tired, grouchy, irritable, anxious, puking, trying not to puke, and FINALLY I am enjoying the thrills of pregnancy! Not many people will agree with me, but I actually LOVE growing a big old belly! I LOVE eating and enjoying the fact that I can eat again! I LOVE filling out my maternity clothes! Most of all, I LOVE LOVE LOVE feeling this precious little miracle flip around in my tummy, get hiccups, and kick the pee right out of me! I also think its funny when I have to sneeze but I run to the bathroom, you know ladies, just in case its more than a sneeze!
There are very few things that I tend to complain about when I am carrying around the miracle of life inside me. (Yes, I HATED being sick for almost 13 weeks, and yes, I do complain, just not about this in particular!) I am WELL aware of what a miracle life is. This is my 5th baby and all 4 babies before were just as much a miracle, especially when I look back on their entrance into this world... All four were preemies and Izzie, our fourth was every bit of a miracle to our lives.

I say all of this to share my struggle this time. I am overcome by worry, fear, anxiety, etc.
Caution is my middle name this go around. I rest, even when I don't want to. It hurts me to watch people helping me while I do nothing. It hurts me to watch my kids run circles around me in a day. I have to make a choice to rest this time when I can because I am doing everything in my power to keep this baby in my tummy until he is full term! There is only one thing wrong with all of this and God revealed this to me about a month ago. "I" am trying so hard. "I" am doing all that "I" know to do for "my" body to keep "my" baby strong and healthy.
None of this is mine! Not my body or this baby that I am carrying. Until I can release the control that I have over this situation I am going to continue to be plagued with anxiety, worry and fear. For well over a month now our pastor has been speaking on the parables. I have felt a heavy burden to trust God with EVERYTHING during this series. To realize that none of this would be if it weren't for His great love and favor poured out upon me. Who am I to all of the sudden decide to control "me" in a moment that I cannot at all control.
My prayer turned from "keep me healthy", "give me a full term baby", "show your greatness by..." to a simple, "I trust you Lord, have your way. I desperately desire a healthy pregnancy and a healthy full term baby. I will trust you even if that prayer is answered with a no."
This is not always easy, at all. There are days when I have a contraction and think, "here we go again," but then I hear a gentle whisper, reminding me that I need not fear this, God's got this. He loves me, he loves this child and that's all I need to know right now.
This morning was the most powerful message to back up my change of heart. Jimmy spoke on the Parable of the Persistent Widow, how to find hope in a hopeless situation. I have felt very hopeless. What's the point in praying, I know what the outcome will be, so just be prepared for another needy baby, right! I even have friends, DOCTORS making comments like, "well, you really only have another month to go before this baby comes" What kind of hope am I being fed that I can rest in if the world is resting in the reality?!?! So, my choice, my desire is to be obedient to God and God alone, to walk in the truth of His love, to rest in His peace, His comfort and not the reality of my situation. Even if this baby comes early, I will know that this is God's plan for Heidi. It will not defeat me, it will increase my dependency on my heavenly Father. So my prayer, is to never stop praying over this, to be persistent. I waste not one word speaking to God, so I am gonna keep on praying, because he desires to hear from me!

The Babies

2011-06-07T13:16:00.000-07:00

Maggie and Izzie are so much one and the same that Craig, myself, and even Trent and Macey have always called them "the babies". So often that I just asked Craig if we were going to still call them "the babies" when this new baby comes? After all, Maggie and Izzie are 4 and 2 now, and talking, walking, they are not babies. But no, we will probably call them "the babies" forever, why not?!

After all, they are always together, for better and for worse :)

Looks can be very deceiving...

2011-06-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

You see, on this particular day, Maggie woke up and her first words were "I am not going to run bases today mom!"

Not only did she hit the ball...

but she also ran to first base and made it!

She continued to run to second, then third...

...and managed to stop and pose before tagging home!

So, why are looks deceiving? Because her coach had to run with her to first, coach her the rest of the way and that smile? Completely fake, ha!! In typical Maggie fashion, she was a grouch, but the second she saw the camera she started posing for it and smiling... oh Maggie... I was so overwhelmed on this particular day because she would NOT cooperate AT ALL! But, you would never have known that by looking at these pictures right?
I love this girl, even though she is a ball of anxiety and frustration for me some days because she always manages to pull out that smile, or hug, or kiss or those 3 words that melt me every time, "I love you momma!"

When

2011-06-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

When did Trent and Macey grow up?

When did they stop holding my hands, or did I stop holding theirs?

When did they stop snuggling me in the mornings?

When did I stop wiping their bottoms and washing their faces?

When did they learn to get dressed all by themselves?

When did they start tying their shoes by themselves everyday?

When did they start doing their own hair (sort of)?

When did they start reading such big books?

When did they start learning more about math than I can help with?

When did they learn their geography better than me?

When did they start texting?

When did they stop saying baby words?

When did I get so hard on them?

When did I get so impatient and demanding because they are the oldest?

When did I stop treating them like my babies and more like kids?

It really does feel like it happens overnight. One day Trent is saying compano instead of piano, zanganee instead of magazine, star whores instead of Star Wars and jurass kick park instead of Jurassic Park and before I can blink, he is on stage playing real music with a band!! Crazy! I remember thinking Macey would never read and now she is reading through the entire bible by herself at night!

We used to wake up and snuggle in the mornings and now I have to drag them both out of bed to hurry up and clean up and help out around the house with the newest members of the family.

Maybe I am just sensitive and pregnant, but lately I look at them and am amazed that 12 years has flown by the way that it has. Oh, I am not ready for this next journey of the teen years, so for now, I am going to just go back and look at pictures of their sweet innocent pictures so that when I want to pull my hair out, I am reminded that I used to wipe their bottoms too!

We're having a baby, my baby & me!

2011-05-31T09:15:00.000-07:00

Back in March I blogged about this wonderful couple retreat that Craig and I went on. We spent a weekend in Wilmington, NC with friends and wonderful guidance from our pastor and his wife, Jimmy & Beverly Carroll. We took so much away from that weekend and learned so much. We came home ready to continue what we had learned. One thing that we brought back but was unaware for a few weeks was a BABY!!!

Sure enough, weeks later, I am pregnant with baby #5! Clearly we had a great weekend that we will have a reminder of for the rest of our lives :)

Everything looks GREAT! I have been very sick for the past 6 weeks and praying for relief is an understatement. Just this week I have started to feel somewhat normal again, PRAISE THE LORD!

Today I am finally 12 weeks and preparing myself for a restful pregnancy, a low stress, low activity pregnancy. I have never carried a pregnancy to full term and I would be overjoyed to accomplish that! I have also realized that part of my journey is my babies and how they came to be, the people I have encountered along the way, and the help that I could be to someone else. The Lord knows this road already, so we are resting in Him for peace along the way. Please join us and pray for a healthy, full term fat baby (okay, maybe not a fat baby)!

Laundry Day!

2011-05-25T08:26:00.000-07:00

Stuff like this normally does happen while I am pre-occupied with a daunting task, like a room full of laundry!

Yes mom's, it is 100% washable paint :)

Four Years Ago Today...

2011-04-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

3:39am on April 23, 2007 was a magical time! Craig and I welcomed sweet Maggie Dawn into our family. Maggie was born 8 weeks early weighing 3 lb. 10 oz at UNC Chapel Hill. We were so worried about little Maggie but when she was born, her Apgar scores were 10 and then 10! She was so healthy when she was born that Craig and I were able to keep her in our room with us for an hour! Of course, she was 2 months early, so the doctor did come in and whisk her off to the intensive care nursery. We very quickly realized how incredibly blessed we were to have a healthy, but tiny baby.

Maggie was a fighter from the second she was born! She struggled with apnea the next week and weight gain but continued to thrive and grow. The nurses always commented on her personality right away, she was and is feisty!

Today, Maggie is 4!!! She is turning into such a sweet, tender hearted little lady. I hope she keeps her feisty in her, it makes Maggie, Maggie!! I could write a book on Maggie stories! She is funny, moody, kind, generous, selfish, stubborn, playful, LOUD (thank you Trent), happy, sad, loves to sing, loves to dance, LOVES to snuggle, uneasy in a crowd but eats up attention at home in her comfort zone. I can't imagine Maggie being any different and would NEVER change 1 thing about her. Even the days when she is trying my patience, she still manages to melt my heart at some point.

Happy Birthday my sweet, precious Maggie!! I can't wait to watch you grow and fall in love with your creator. Jesus loves you so much Maggie!

Running on empty

2011-03-30T18:14:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been just blissful for me! It started with the women's retreat in Williamsburg that I went on. I was on the edge before going, just exhausted, drained, and anxious about nothing! The weekend was just what I needed to get back into perspective. I am all about counting my blessings but I was to the point where I didn't even have time to count them, my tank was running on empty!

Which brings me to my next blissful moment, ha! Craig and I were totally blessed by my mom. She came down and took the 3 girls (Macey, Maggie & Izzie) back to Virginia with her for 1 week!!! Before she left she took the time to help me clean up my outdoors, yeah! If you know my mom, you know that she cannot stand a mess, and my yard was a MESS! So messy that she had to break this out...

So my mom took the girls, Rob & Bonnie took Trent and Craig & I were able to go to the beach for an entire weekend alone, on a couples retreat with our church. We were soooo excited! So excited that we left for the beach in a hurry and never even noticed that our gas tank was on empty!! By the time we noticed, we were on 40 east and were so involved in our conversation that we did not see the gas light come on or even hear the nice chime that my van makes when it is running low on gas. We noticed when the van said 4 miles left of gas (gotta love digital). Typically we would have totally panicked, but not this time! We laughed. Well, we had to because the next gas station was 14 miles away!! We actually held hands and prayed for the next 14 miles and would you believe that we made it to the gas station?!?! We were literally sputtering out of gas as we pulled in and the last 10 miles our van said 0 miles left, so the Lord was dragging us to the gas station! I have proof...

We were never so thankful to see a gas station in our lives! If you know me, you know that I typically DO wait until the last minute to get gas. Two reasons: 1- I hate pumping gas 2- I hate paying top dollar and like to go to BJ's or Costco! This, however, was extreme!

Why do we wait until we are running on empty to realize that we need help? Why when we have exhausted all others avenues do we cry out to the Lord in sheer desperation? All the while he sits in waiting to rescue us from our distress...

Guest Blogger, my dad: A Letter to a Dear Friend

2011-03-29T18:16:00.000-07:00

Recently my parents said goodbye to a long time friend of theirs. Jay was a father of 6 children and lost a long battle last week. My dad is in Iraq so he was unable to attend the funeral and posted this letter on his blog. You may not know the man he is writing about, but I was just so touched by this sweet note...

Deployment Log #58: Welcome Home, Jay.

Posted on March 22, 2011 by papa412

A great friend was given the victory in the battle over the frail human body today. He has a brand new one, disease free, and probably a full head of hair. He is no longer a stranger in a foreign land, he’s home.

I am sure there was a welcome party for him – Jesus, Abraham, Joshua and Caleb (I think I remember Jay particularly liking Joshua and Caleb, so maybe they were at the head of the receiving line!) Paul, who penned words Jay quoted every week when he led the AWANA program was there. He probably thanked Jay for teaching the kids to be workmen who are not ashamed, and for properly teaching them God’s Word. I imagine the woman who touched the hem of Jesus’ garment stretched out her hand in greeting, and then surprised (and embarrassed) him with a great big welcome home hug.

Jay’s home. Pain and disease free. Released from this mortal body, home at last.

Jay was a humble man. A great friend. A real friend. He never used his friendship for personal gain or status or position or to receive anything in return. He was just a friend. Faithful. Unassuming. Compassionate. Reliable. An encourager. There when you needed him, asking nothing in return, usually before you knew you needed him. He walked a tough path, rough physical and personal experiences, but was loath to let that show, and never let those things get in the way of helping someone else. He reminded me of Onesiphorus – look him up, read what Paul said about him, and you’ll know why. Or Pastor Bob can explain it to you. He experienced Jay’s “Onesiphorus characteristics.”

I’ve missed seeing him these past nine months, and am thankful that we did get to chat before I left and grateful to know that I’ll see him again. Since there’s no night in his mansion, I guess I can correctly say, I’ll see you in the morning, Jay.

Join me in praying for his wife Barbara, his daughters (I still can’t remember all their names) & son Nelson. Often and without fail.

To those of you who don’t know Jay, I know you wish you did!

- duane

It is time for Spring!

2011-03-22T09:05:00.000-07:00

I love the spring, love it! By the time the winter is over, I am completely over the winter! How blessed I am to live in North Carolina where we don't have to endure a long, cold winter!!

It's quit funny though, because usually by August, it's too hot and then I find myself complaining about the heat and desiring cooler days! The grass is always greener isn't it? We NEED the winter, it is necessary for harvesting, growth, preparation and REST for the spring and summer months of joy!

"The hills collect the rain for a hundred fruitful valleys!"

This year I am going to soak it in and be thankful! I will try NOT to complain about the heat and remind myself how much I hate to:

bundle everyone up to go anywhere in the winter
find a place to put all of our heavy coats, sweaters, shoes
staying indoors ALL day
deal with wheezing, flu and other illnesses
hope for a good snow storm only to get less than an inch and sloppy rain!

You see, it reminds me my relationship with Christ in a way. I greatly anticipate the joyful times of worship, intimate prayer & reading. I long to feel His presence in my life, to see His hand working in my heart, the hearts of my children and my husband. I love to SEE the Lord at work and KNOW He is there, blessing me of course!! I WANT THE SPRING!

What I don't look forward to are the these times:

Financial stress
Loneliness
Heartache
Valleys
Struggles
Loss
Depression & Anxiety

I really could go on and on for that list! You see I also NEED the winter. The dry, lonely, dark, rainy, cold times. I need these times because I am being harvested, I am growing, I am being prepped for the joy! The bible speak a lot about these times, encouraging us to press on toward the goal, and so I will :)

"We grow in the valley, the mountain top is for celebrating." -Jimmy Carroll

"When God wants to make a man he puts him into a storm.

No man is made until he has been out into the surge of the storm

and found the sublime fullfillment of the prayer,

"Oh God, take me, break me, make me." -Streams in the Desert

So Much Bigger Than the Bunny (for me too!)

2011-03-15T16:13:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Tasha just wrote her first book and it happens to be an Easter devotion for children. It starts on Ash Wednesday and is a weekly devotion through Easter.

Last week our family was attacked by the vicious stomach virus and let me tell you, we ALL had it and it was awful! Anyway, that's not all all what this is about, ha! So our family officially started this devotional book Sunday night and let me tell you, we all enjoyed it, right down to the song that Josh wrote and recorded just for this week! All day I have been singing "la la la, la la la la la la" and can't wait for tomorrow's week 2 song to come out!!

This first week is about giving it up (lent is the period preceding Easter that in the Christian Church is devoted tofasting, abstinence, and penitence in commemoration of Christ's fasting in the wilderness). We have never done lent before, and sadly enough I never thought of it as something necessary until reading the devotion. Understanding why we make a choice to give something up over the easter season and what it symbolizes has put a whole new attitude in my heart about lent.

Well, on the way home from bible study I was alone in the car and racing to get home so I could hurry home and watch the Bachelor finale and prayed the house was nice and quiet so I could enjoy my tv time. Then came a subtle conviction about my habits and priorities. There are so many other things I should be doing and sitting in front of the television is for sure NOT one of them.

I am starting to notice very subtly that there are some things in my life that are taking the place of time I could be spending in prayer, reading, in relationship with my family, working on homeschool stuff, etc. I also notice that if I do not get that "one thing" I am moody and selfish. If I don't have a Pepsi Throwback when I have a craving I usually go to the store and get one and if I want to watch a show on tv, I just do it. I have no problem putting something aside for my time in front of the television, and that, is a problem.

I am learning that my time is all the time that I am given. What I do with my time reflects my loves, my priorities, what I care about and hold dear to my heart.

Wow, I have only read the first page of this great children's book, a book that is supposed to convict the hearts of my children and look at me, I am a mess! I can't wait to see what this next week has in store and the great conversation that I get to have with my kids over this book!

Easter is SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THE BUNNY! I am not even sure what the big deal is about the bunny anyway, he scares the crap out of all of my children but that's for another blog, ha!

What are you giving up and how do you spend your time?

Weekend Getaway with 100 Women, and 1 Man!

2011-03-15T11:37:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I left Craig and ALL the kids for a women's retreat in Williamsburg, Virginia with my mom, sisters and some great friends that I hadn't seen in ages! I was soooo excited for this retreat, after all, my dear friends Josh & Tasha Via were also coming to lead the worship for the weekend!

The weekend was FILLED with laughs, tears, restoration & healing and truly amazing times of worship. I am so blessed every week to meet in a place where the worship is heavenly and the truth of God's love and salvation is poured out in worship, so to be able to take a piece of that and share it with my roots in Virginia was so great! There were about 100+ women and 1 man all weekend. I am SURE that Josh was uncomfortable at first, but the women clearly were not, ha!! After all, Josh was the perfect voice of the Lord for the skit too! I could write an entire blog about how Josh & Tasha blessed the hearts of all the women. The music was completely anointed!

The theme of the weekend was "The Next Chapter" and the story of our lives, chapter by chapter. I am in the process of learning to rest in God's presence where I am and at the same time really be joyful in everything, everything! Surrender is one of those words that for about a year now is weekly, daily, momentarily creeping into my heart and mind. God is really showing me how to rest in Him for everything and live in a surrendered state.

One day I will write my story, but now I am learning to rest in it. God has a plan for the rest of my life, my job is to follow hard after Him and say yes to everything that comes from Him. So much peace comes from knowing I am walking with my creator...

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!

Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!

Heir of salvation, purchase of God,

Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.