It helps to take a look back

I am tired and grouchy, overworked and underpaid, ha!

Silas is 2 months old now and I am still trying to get out of bed in the morning with a happy heart after no sleep. I am still having to remind myself to feed and take care of the rest of our small village. I am still trying to squeeze in a day of homeschooling. It's been a tough time adjusting to 6 kids in this house.

The past few weeks I have really felt like I am just not doing well emotionally. I have tried to figure this all out and do it all and I just cannot. Realizing that I cannot has left me frustrated all the time and weary. Add lonely and useless and well, you can guess where it takes me...

I have had some amazing friends and family step up and step in. Some have just shown up at my house and told me to leave and get some air and time to relax. Some have had just the right words to encourage me for the day.

Tonight my dear friend Tasha and her husband watched ALL 6 KIDS so that Craig and I could get out and talk, really talk. We had a great night, great food and great conversations! I felt like I could sit and breathe after tonight. The kids were mostly in bed when we got home so I was able to finally get my computer out and start to blog. The only problem is I wasn't sure WHAT to blog. Do I give a recap of the past 2 months? Do I talk just about my wonderful date night? Well, I instead decided to go back to the beginning of my blog and read through it and I am so glad I did!!

I LOVED reading about my confidence in the Lord, my desire to remain in Him even through the tough times. It was awesome! I encouraged myself! Just when I feel inadequate for this role as a mom of 6, and start to throw my own pity party, I am reminded that I CAN! I can and I will but it can't be in my own strength and in my own power. I have to go back to what I know and what works, my confidence and faith in the Lord to BE my strength in this season of doubting and weariness. Reminding me of who I am in Him and wake up renewing my mind daily.

I loved looking back tonight and being so thankful for the journey I am on, even though this season is full of sleepless nights and screaming children, I will someday miss it.

Paul Silas, the story of my little life... (so far)

This is an old blog that I never published. I wrote it March 10. Silas was one week old. Since I am back blogging, here is the story of the day Silas was born...

Completion. That's the only word to accurately describe how I feel today and how I felt last Sunday around 4:19pm.

I was home on bedrest, the norm for me. It was Craig's birthday and he was celebrating by serving me all day, lol! In fact, when I woke him up I said "Happy Birthday babe! Sorry it's so crappy!"

I woke up feeling like I needed to rest. I was contracting but they weren't painful and there was not pattern. I really wasn't concerned until around 2pm when they started to last a little longer and come a little more frequently. Still no major pain. I didn't need to breathe through them so I didn't panic and they were still pretty spaced out. I did call my doctor just to ask advice. She said to go in, just to be safe. I was scheduled for a c-section and she did not want me laboring long and risking a possible uterine rupture since my c-section scar is only 15 months old. So Craig came in and we talked and very reluctantly decided to obey the doctor. I was frustrated and did not want to go back to hospital only to sit and be observed. I tried to take a nap to just see if it would go away.

It did not. I told Craig we should probably go soon, just in case I was in labor. I wanted to get there in time to either stop it or get the c-section. My dad had just left the house to take Trent to church so I called Bonnie and she came over right away to keep Isaac.

Bonnie wasn't in our house 5 minutes when she looked at me and said "your contractions are 2 minutes apart, you need to go now!" That put a little pep in our step and we grabbed our bag and took off. At this point I am not speaking. I am just trying to breathe and not cry. As soon as we pulled out of our neighborhood I knew. I just knew I was having a baby and soon. I really did think I wouldn't make it to labor & delivery. I barely did...


Very quickly I was told the plan that we had signed for was no longer going to happen. Paul Silas decided to show up at 4:19. I hadn't even been admitted into the hospital yet. I had no IV, so no drugs, no epidural, and not much time to get to the OR. The next 5 minutes were a blur. The pain was like nothing I could even attempt to describe or compare it to, really. I kept saying I couldn't do this and Craig was a rock star. He so calmly and quickly reminded that I could, it was almost over and it was this sentence that helped me get through the delivery, "Baby, you can do this! This is exactly what you wanted, this is exactly what you prayed for!"

(Oh...that's right! I did!!! Throughout my pregnancy I did not have peace about having a c-section, I knew it was the safest option for me and baby but I just did not have peace. I also did not have confirmation that I would carry full term so my specific pray was that the Lord would literally give me a fast labor, so fast that I wouldn't have time for meds or a c-section! Can you believe that the Lord blessed with EXACLTY what I prayed for and then I was crying against it in the moment?!)

Well, the second I saw that sweet boy, all pain disappeared completely. It did. We are all so in love and so blessed that although he was nearly 7 weeks early, he is extremely healthy and will be home with us in no time!

There it is, the story of my last labor! I went out with a bang! 

Thank you Lord for once again answering my hearts cry, you are awesome!

Back Blogged

I love to blog, love it! It is a release for me and a great way to share my heart and my family with those who I don't get to see all the time too. I have been anything but consistent with my blog recently and was nudged by a few friends to get back on the blog, so here I am...

I am back blogged, so I will be posting some blogs that were written recently and not yet published. I feel like I must start with the birth of our precious little Paul Silas. His birth rocked my world from the minute I started labor and I haven't slowed down since!

Enjoy!

30 Weeks Down!

I am now 30 weeks pregnant! I have been very silent this pregnancy. Not out of choice. There are so many times I have a great blog in mind or an update to share but then the reality of my life kicks in and I forget!

It's been quite a journey this pregnancy! Last pregnancy was EXTREMELY different! I was on bedrest from 24 weeks on with Isaac and stayed on bedrest until 35 weeks. I carried Isaac to full term and he has been so healthy and so happy!!

This time, I have attempted that but with Isaac being a baby, its been really tough to rest and take it easy. I have a terrible time asking for help so we are winging it and doing great! Craig has been more busy than ever so Trent and Macey have been my little life savers for sure! They are very eager to help and aware of when I need to rest. I am so thankful for them, so thankful! Some may say I take advantage of my kids help and I absolutely do! We are a family, we jump in and help when help is needed and I have no regrets for teaching my kids to come to the needs of others.

Baby is doing great! We are having a boy and are beyond thrilled! He is growing like a weed, just like all the others, measuring big, just like all the others have. We can't wait to meet him but will wait and enjoy this last 2 months preparing for him to join our family. Isaac points to my belly and says "baby" and then points to everything else and says "baby". He totally understands, ha!!

Have a great Sunday! Enjoy the Super Bowl!

Happy 1st Birthday Isaac Sullivan!

Yesterday our baby turned 1!! All day I was thinking of last year at this time and was so thankful for a full term, healthy boy that came at the right time.

At 1 years old Isaac is such a love and boy is he loved! Developmentally he is:
*Saying words, and trying to copy our tone
*Crawling, not even worried about walking. He is a pro crawler and walking is just not necessary yet, he is carried too much, ha!
*A Great eater! This boy loves to eat and will rarely turn down food!
*A gadget guru already! I really am trying not to brag but you should see this boy on the iPad! He scrolls through, opens up the photos and then looks through them, its hilarious! Toys are sooo 2011, he would prefer your iPhone or iPad, ha!
*Isaac is very content and only throws a fit if he is hungry or his big sisters are up in his face, he hates that.
*Loves cars already! Anything on wheels is pushed through the house with loud noises, its so cute!


We are all so blessed by this sweet boy! He snuggles each of us the same, loves to fall asleep on Trent and Macey and thinks that Maggie and Izzie are his 24/7 live entertainment. I can't wait to see how much he grows this next year although, I am a little sad how fast this year has gone by:(

In order to create balance...

Yesterday Craig and I went to to doctor for a checkup and found out we have once again established balance in our home. We are having another

BOY!!!!!!!

3 Girls, 3 Boys :)

So much to do in so little time

My mom is great! Yesterday she drove back to Virginia to pack up some more things and blessed me by taking Thing 1 and Thing 2 Maggie and Izzie! 

I have grand plans to get done what I have been unable to accomplish these past 3 months of being sick all day and night. I have plans to dust, mop, organize, complete laundry, clean out our 2 unfinished rooms, and the list goes on! I am down to only a few short weeks before the real bedrest kicks in and TONS to get accomplished before that happens. 

I did not make plans to read or sit around, which happens to be all that I want to do in this quiet and peaceful house...

Dilemma...