I am tired and grouchy, overworked and underpaid, ha!
Silas is 2 months old now and I am still trying to get out of bed in the morning with a happy heart after no sleep. I am still having to remind myself to feed and take care of the rest of our small village. I am still trying to squeeze in a day of homeschooling. It's been a tough time adjusting to 6 kids in this house.
The past few weeks I have really felt like I am just not doing well emotionally. I have tried to figure this all out and do it all and I just cannot. Realizing that I cannot has left me frustrated all the time and weary. Add lonely and useless and well, you can guess where it takes me...
I have had some amazing friends and family step up and step in. Some have just shown up at my house and told me to leave and get some air and time to relax. Some have had just the right words to encourage me for the day.
Tonight my dear friend Tasha and her husband watched ALL 6 KIDS so that Craig and I could get out and talk, really talk. We had a great night, great food and great conversations! I felt like I could sit and breathe after tonight. The kids were mostly in bed when we got home so I was able to finally get my computer out and start to blog. The only problem is I wasn't sure WHAT to blog. Do I give a recap of the past 2 months? Do I talk just about my wonderful date night? Well, I instead decided to go back to the beginning of my blog and read through it and I am so glad I did!!
I LOVED reading about my confidence in the Lord, my desire to remain in Him even through the tough times. It was awesome! I encouraged myself! Just when I feel inadequate for this role as a mom of 6, and start to throw my own pity party, I am reminded that I CAN! I can and I will but it can't be in my own strength and in my own power. I have to go back to what I know and what works, my confidence and faith in the Lord to BE my strength in this season of doubting and weariness. Reminding me of who I am in Him and wake up renewing my mind daily.
I loved looking back tonight and being so thankful for the journey I am on, even though this season is full of sleepless nights and screaming children, I will someday miss it.