Even If...

This has been me almost everyday this week: "Baby, wake up, I think I am in labor"only to find out each time it is either gas (embarrassing), fatigue, or normal aches and pains of being FULL TERM!! I am full term! I am going to go into labor and have a baby sometime in the next 3 weeks and have not a clue what this is going to look like. I have had 4 other children but labor has always been a bad thing. It's always been traumatic. This time I don't know what to expect and it's kind of funny since it''s my 5th child! I think my body is confused too. One day I am a puffy mess, the next I am fine. One day I am contracting and it hurts the walk, then I go to bed and wake up feeling great! 

Craig and I just laugh at all this stuff, cause it's funny to see me so large, and pregnant. We have officially gone from praying these labor signs mean nothing weeks ago to anxiously awaiting the moment when it is time to head to the hospital. Craig is sooooo excited. 

I should know that I am not going into labor until I am full term, that's what we prayed fervently for and that is the confidence that I have been surrounded by this entire 9 months. I shouldn't' be surprised, but oh I am sooo surprised!!

9 months ago when we found out we were expecting, our struggle all along was believing in God's abilities, to know that he is still sovereign and in control and loving on us even if this pregnancy did not go to term. I have been reading through the bible and the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego really spoke to me months ago when I was early on in my pregnancy. I started to feel anxious and wonder how I would handle having another preemie and how would I explain my confidence in God if he didn't come through for us and give us a full term healthy baby? 

Many verses I have clung to but this story gave me a confidence. These 3 men are being thrown into fire for not worshiping idles and before being thrown in they are asked "How will your God save you once you are thrown into the fire?" Their response I loved ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. ¹⁸ But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

This story gave me a clarity and confidence that God is still God, a loving God, EVEN IF he doesn't answer our prayers directly, or so specifically. God's love NEVER fails, NEVER changes. Our hearts may, or our doubts may creep in, but God, He remains the same. Ever since I read that and prayed for that confidence I have felt that confidence. I have had moments of doubt but been gently reminded that God is God, even if...

I had to make a choice to rest in His love and peace regardless of what lies ahead, and so I did :)

Now, I am 37 weeks today!! I am so blown away that I almost feel undeserving of this blessing. He has given us our hearts desire and yet I am so humbled but this gift. Now my prayer has changed to full on praise. I knew God was able, but now I have seen his sovereign hand of protection over me and this child and give Him ALL the credit, all the praise. It took 4 traumatic little miracles babies to bring me to my knees and realize this. 13 years of wondering why me, poor me.

Now I see it... God wanted me to love Him, believe in Him, serve Him, EVEN IF...